You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
