How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
