If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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