No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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