So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well you can't waste a boner
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
