Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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