i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
