I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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