At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's the barista slut.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
