if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
