There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
