she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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