well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
