Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
