I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
