dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
