my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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