Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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