Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
