I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
