At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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