So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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