every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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