I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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