I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
