So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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