four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
