You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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