Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
