My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
