im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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