I can tuck mytits in my pants
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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