if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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