so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
