I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
