i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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