fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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