Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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