I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
