Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize