take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
