If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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