Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
