Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
