she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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