the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
