I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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