Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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