Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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