I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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