we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm really busy with my period
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