Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sext me about skeletons
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
