I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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