does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
