I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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