dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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