bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
