Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
