i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
