apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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