I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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