I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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