I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
