and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And then he peed in my hair
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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