I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
