I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
