You work out of a Hotel?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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