the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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