then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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